The Bluest Eye Claudia Quotes, Articles M

Shes destroyed several marriages during her 30+ year career there) on his cell phone log. He is destroying a family but then again he doesnt care. Before that could happen, we had a 2 week Hawaiian vacation planned, and the day we returned my mom died! One of the main characteristics of a midlife crisis is the recognition that you're getting older, often with some negative feelings attached to it. I dont even know how ill EVER trust him again which is a whole other issue in itself. Unfortunately that is the truth. Dont engage in conversations you dont want to. But God forbid he ever try to prove me wrong. Articles Its good to know that Im not alone in this. I told him his actions show he wants a different life, he wants to be in the bar most days after work, hanging out with people I dont know. I dont know how, but maybe thats the case. Its just hard because she comes to our house( where I live ) manly because of the children. Doubtful your leaving would have stopped the affair. Part of me is TERRIFIED that I will start to solely focus on me and the baby and stop asking him questions about what hes up to, and he will take advantage of that and start doing whatever he wants as if hes not married and start to enjoy it and fall more and more out of love with me. I know im supposed to be living my life for me, but its more like im living my life TRYING to do what I think will open his eyes. January 4, 2017 I saw a 5 second call to Hs coworker (whom I ALWAYS been uncomfortable and suspicious about, as she is a known who*e and homewrecker in his workplace. Fog is lifting, now what? - DivorceBusting.com My H had one. That is your reward. The first will not work unless he decides to do the necessary work. Im sure he never shed a tear for my pain the pain he deliberately created and caused he was heartbroken at as he put it for ME forcing him to hurt an innocent real good woman ( I explained in detail I am a real good woman my mother and grandmother are REAL GOOD WOMEN and I for one am disgusted and offended and made me want to throw up at his daring to put a serial adultering street walking prostitute in his mind or my life as anywhere near a REAL GOOD WOMAN since we dont cheat and screw other womens husbands his whores all did just that) who did nothing wrong man I was exploding pissed off i told him I was the ONLY innocent GOOD WOMAN he ever had promised GOD to never hurt and him and his whore could hang themselves in hell . I think you did the best thing given the options you had. At least you are not having yelling and screaming matches daily (not good for the baby or you). Not open to discussion. For you I dont know how to get you out of limbo except 180. If you dont mind I have a question: I was stronger when this first started. Im not sure what Im going to do about this.. K. Im sorry you continue to go through this. Recharge yourself. He has initiated sex a few times and slept in bed a few times, but the majority of time on the couch. TheFirstWife Your email address will not be published. I make sure I am in control off my life. I dont know if when he gets back in town he will stay here or not. The term the fog can be described as being similar to being brain washed. I learned I could not. I told him it is time for me to focus on what I want out of life for myself. I go from being extremely nice to him, to being bat shit crazy and screaming about OW. Your request he seek counseling is the right choice. Get your plan B together b/c I fear you may need it. I need to do the 180 and completely stick to it. He got pissed off at me and defending himself and his whores must have been exhausting . So is his snide comments that you seeing another guy. And you have to go through all that before love can even begin to start being felt again. But I also dont want to be a doormat. I think when he goes out of town my mind goes WILD. I am having SUCH a horrific day today. He said to me a few weeks ago that when we first separated, after a little while he was convinced I was seeing someone else, so he kind of knows how I feel..and I was like umm? But she knew exactly what she was doing. i have not been supportive of her decisions. By that I mean they still want to go out and hang out etc. I dont want to be mean to him, I want to just focus on me and the baby but its very very hard. He was impressed by how close my family was, he became a part of it and he loved it and it was like he felt such pride in me as his girlfriend, 5 years later as his fiance, and 6 years later as his wife. And I wonder if he will be with her if we permanently split, even though when I bring her up he says things about her as if he doesnt care about her, but I think back to the texts I read between them in January and I just want to melt away. Its been very strange. But had you left you would not have had to watch the affair continue for years. Best possible given the home you are in. We had sex almost every single day, but for one serious shower day, when She could stay clean for 24 hours at least during the week. Hahahahaha asking someone to call if they are going to be 4 hours late is so off the Wall. Because our relationship was failing. Sorry to say. Me, I would have not reacted immediately to a strange text I accidently saw. The fog is the hardest thing to forgive and to get And I have my DDay2 showdown to prove I will do it. Big difference! You can listen to and/or read the transcript here: Discover the 10 Most Important Lessons about Surviving Infidelity, How to Get the Cheater Out of the Affair Fog, Real Life Hardnosed Advice on How to Stop an Affair, How to Cheat on Your Spouse Without Feeling Guilty, The Psychology of Affairs: The Games People Play and the Lies that Bind, Follow our journey as we save our marriage after an emotional affair, https://www.emotionalaffair.org/discussion-how-do-you-get-the-cheating-spouse-out-of-the-affair-fog/, Terms of Service/Privacy Policy/Affiliate Disclosure. Me, almost five months, passed already. He got upset and said that is what he wants but he doesnt want it on someone elses terms. Its like, do I want to be my laid back self and just stop bringing everything up and just hope our connection can grow without all the anger and just push my fears aside and stop bringing it up and try to be patient even if he IS seeing her and just focus on us getting along for now. Their spouses are acting strangely to say the least. I wish Id done that on day 1, but the fear of losing them is so powerful, youre terrified to demand anything of them because they are already showing you that youre disposable to them, and youre terrified of giving them the final reason to boot YOU! If you want to be with her then youre going to make that choice and im not going to stand in your way. and he said I was wrong again and I just let it go because I have no proof. But then Ive read that right now we should be friends again and build a new relationshipI know im rambling, I just feel good that you said you think im handling this well now and what im doing is the best thing I can be doing for now. Its like the 180 but a lesser extent. My wife began an EA after a trip out of town. You cannot make people wNt something. im praying that if we can give eachother time then we will be able to build a new relationship. It financially protects me. Hahaha so for 30 years I treated you like a king with love and respect b/c I wanted to spite my parents? document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. I do not get it. And Im not saying my confrontation w/my H stopped his A at DDay2. The only thing I can say is that I did not make a fool of myself or start drinking or acting like I was having a midlife crisis. He comes to see the baby and not you AND the baby. He did not know what he wanted. If a mans crisis was caused by self-esteem issues due to getting older, he could find himself coming out of midlife crisis fog without having dealt with the core Im just like eye-rolling why now?, after Ive healed enough to completely see a future without him, why now? They have court up once and spent the night together but didt have sex. But what he doesnt know is that right now I honestly just dont even want him here. At the funeral my husband did say he would not create a scene he would quietly remove any whore who showed up I simply told him I would call 911 he was NOT happy with my plan I dont really care anymore what he thinks about my choices to his cheating. Everyone here will tell you the BS is powerless when it comes to the M and the CS. Money in your own name. Has giveN you some great advice. And then went running back to her in the fall. Regroup. Like I said, he is still sleeping at home. He loves our daughter more than ANYTHING and I know that, and he knows he is a good dad but he also chooses to go out a lot and stay out until 3am and then claim he has no freedom. BTW after your married what was his schedule in terms of going out with friends? Because I just dont want to be that person. Two steps forward and one step back as they say. My H unleashed 25 years of anger and frustration at me while in the fog. I got home last night and he was home from work and he was in a great mood. In my case, I am the CS. Again, I wish SO BADLY that a few weeks ago when I asked him to leave and we left on decent terms and he reached out multiple times a day and was terrified to lose me, I wish I had stuck to that and continued to let him feel the loss of me. And now I feel like hes just gone to work and is thinking gosh shes so miserable. She had aborted 2 babies because she tried to trap men with a pregnancy and they didnt go for it. You lose all credibility and power. Thats why I love this blog. The longer the fog goes on, the more damage that is done to the marriage. It seems that were high on commitment but low on intimacy and passion. Half of room and board and fees and semesters abroad and books etc. Hey Mark, Thanks for the comment and sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you, as I must have overlooked your question. 1. He is just too cowardly to say it. Given equal emotional connection, his investment in his wife and family is much more important than any investment in the OW. But this didnt fit the classic fog charateristics either. The only thing the cheater sees is their own selfish needs and desires. Im already seeing a lot of similarities between what he says and what is happening in our lives. So I demanded the post nup. Although he has been. Right now is affecting my work; I cant concentrate, thinking about them. Its the same with a cheater. And it seems like at moments he is completely out of the fog, he seems to be here, himself, wanting to be here, enjoying it. After he came back from his 2 week rendezvous with her, he came back to live in our home as though nothing had happened. I dont know. I said to him that when he met the OW he became a bar rat bc she was a bartender and he went to her bar everyday after work, and now hes doing that same thing at home, just without her involved.